


the enlightenment of a wrecking ball

by theAsh0



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:36:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19215202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theAsh0/pseuds/theAsh0
Summary: Vegeta seems to think he is weak. But it takes a lot of strength of character not to strangle some of the idiots in his life to death. Said prince is actually the prime candidate. (Krillin and Vegeta interact, and its hard.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just really like reading Krillin and Vegeta interacting and there's too few fics about that and surviving paradise didn't have enough space except for just a little bit. so. plot-less, unbetaed fun. enjoy!

When the sounds had died down, and Krillin felt he could safely remove his hands from his ears; ears that still protested the change in pressure that they had been forced to witness, Krillin looked about wide-eyed. Noting the now-crooked portraits, the broken pottery. The fluttering papers, the shards, the broken glass.. and the holes; Kami-damned holes in Kame-house. It was a good thing Master Roshi was buddhist. Otherwise, Krillin was pretty sure his master was going to murder him when came home to this devestation. “Vegeta..” Krillin’s voice was wet, uneven with unshed tears of betrayal. “Why..?”

The dark haired man—alien, really— looked around, a flitter of surprise running over his features, before he appeared to mentally discard the damages done. “Spiders.”

“Come again?”

“You had spiders in your kitchen. Lots. Really small ones, but, lots. They were walking in files, straight into your fruit.”

Krilln surveyed the epicenter of destruction; what had been Kame-house kitchen. The counter, he deduced; that had contained fruit. “You mean the ants, don't you..?” one of the troubles, being buddhist, one really couldn’t just kill ants, could one? Not even when they came into your house to steal you fruit. Regularly. 

“Were they?” Vegeta seemed untouched by the whole fiasco. Krillin’s heart, however, was in his throat. How could he have been so stupid? He really should have known better than to invite that destructive Saiyan into his own house. But then Krillin was nothing if not polite. And Krillin had not really expected Vegeta to agree, of all things.

“You.. blew up my kitchen.. _ Master Roshi’s _ kitchen, because if ants..?”

“You are displeased with my solution?” 

“No!” Krillin nearly shouted; voice breaking, then lowered his tone. “No! No, it’s this is fine.. I just didn’t peg you as an arachnophobe.”

“Fear of what? Human, I fear nothing.” the prince of Saiyans straightened to his full, dubious height, but then deflated slightly. “Except maybe hearing damage. And that’s usually caused by the woman stretching. And that’s usually caused by me killing something unimportant _ outside _ of the house, or by me  _ not _ killing something crawly inside the house _ fast enough _ .”

“Aah.” Krillin did understand Vegeta’s point. Bulma could be pretty demanding. And definitely loud. He supposed it made sense for the prince to have assumed any pests inside a house should be blasted on sight. Or, at least were fair game. Vegeta always did strike him as particularly trigger happy. “Yes. Well, we don't usually kill anything at Kame house. And we also have this no ki blasts in the house rule...” 

Vegeta grunted, arms tightly folded across his chest. His eyes darted about once, twice. Then, finally, he sighed. “Bulma’s going to scream at me anyway, isn’t she?”

_ That.. does seem pretty likely. _ Krillin though, just as his mouth started running in a completely different direction. “What? Naah, it’ll be fine. Here. It’s not so bad; I’ll have this place back to how it was long before she comes to pick you up.”

Then, he found himself falling to nervous giggles. Maybe it was the Saiyan prince’s gaze, that appeared to be fishing for the lies, all the lies. But even that dark gaze seemed to come up short, confused. Probably by the sheer amount of lies and misdirections in one sentence. Or, maybe it was that very Bulma-like voice in his head, already shouting at him.  _ What the fuck are you covering this up for? This is your house. You live here. And that fucking menace is responsible for this, not you. Why do you need to take responsibility for that living accident to his own wife?!? _

“Can I help?”

The voice choked, as did Krillin. “What?!”

“I feel..” Vegeta looked very uncomfortable, glancing away. “Perhaps..” he cleared his voice, looking for words. “This needs to be fixed.”

“Yes. yes, obviously it does.” Krillin looked around Kame’s house again. Or, perhaps it was apter to say, he looked around at what was left of Kame house. “But, don't worry. I got this. Just go relax in the living.. room..?” Krillin pointed, then retracted his hand. “Which does not exist anymore, it seems.”

Vegeta grunted again. “This place has a lot less structural integrity than Capsule Corp.”

In a moment of out of character anger, Krillin fixed the other with accusing slits for eyes. “Why, yes it does..” it didn't last. Never did. He lost his courage before then end of his sentence. “That’s the problem with these old houses. They’ll fall down with just the  _ smallest _ blasts of ki.” Krillin was laughing again. A panic to his voice. “How were you to know, right?”

“Well, at least now I know what that no fights in the house rule is about. Anyway, your pest problem is solved. So,..” Vegeta frowned, looking at another page fluttering down. “Why do you keep so magazines with naked women around?” 

“They’re not mine..” Master Roshi was going to kill him, after all. Krillin set his jaw. “Just.. Just get out, will you?”

With a shrug, Vegeta actually moved to obey. Which was a first. Krillin was almost pleased about that. Until Vegeta opened the door, and the entire frame came loose with it. And several busted planks. And a part of the ceiling. Then, with a tired, sad groan, the crack from the door to the ceiling sped on, running all along over them and then down again on the far wall. And, with a slow withered sigh, Kame-house divided in two, and tumbled down.


	2. some fine mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some guilt tripping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like I said, no idea where this is going. but the interaction is just fun, so here's some more!

The pair stood in silent contemplation, the afternoon sea-breeze at their backs, and a slow pile of dust smoldering lazily in front of them. Krillin felt tears in his eyes. Why would he even worry about Bulma murdering him for his involvement by proxy? (Because she would, Krillin had no doubt about that; her violent aura would strike him down. That need she had to hurt him —and pretty much any other innocent— to take her anger out and whack him would prevail as soon as that legendary temper was tempted.)  

No need to worry about Roshi either, although the usually kindhearted old man would no doubt be set into a frenzy when he found out what was left of his collection of nudes.

But why worry about all that? Death would be an easy thing right now. A blessing. Because where was he even supposed to sleep now? Where was he supposed to life? Where would he even find shelter from the rain? Perhaps getting murdered right now would be the easy way out..

“Well?” that low voice drew out the l’s in it, calling Krillin back to the now in a nearly humored tone.

“Well what?” Krillin finally asked, voice raw with despair.

“If you’re going to pull that thing back together I suggest you start with the front facade.” Vegeta looked down to his crossed arms, then nodded to himself. “Bulma could be by any minute, but she went shopping, so I’m sure she’ll be too preoccupied to look too closely.”

Krillin answered with a double take. Slowly, back at the Saiyan. And then, once more at the devastation that had been his house for years. “Vegeta,..” the human fighter’s voice nearly broke again, but he pushed on, “Kame house is _gone._ There’s no way to fix this.”

The pair stood another moment, looking at the soft flutter of papers and rubbish in the wind. Finally, Vegeta conceded with a grunt. And that sent Krillin over the edge. He snickered, then threw his head back, laughing out loud. Something hysterical entered in his voice. Finally, when that scowl darkened and Vegeta’s stare became too much, he quieted. With a final sigh, Krillin wiped the tears from his eyes, concluding. “Bulma’s going to skin us alive.”

“Us?” The somewhat larger man snapped, appalled, turning to face him, arms still rigidly locked in front of him. “What do you mean, _us?_ ”

Confused at the defensive note in the other’s voice, Krillin reasoned: “well, _you_ destroyed the house but Bulma always finds some reason to hit me too, so..”

“No,” the prince of Saiyans made his stand, “this is ridiculous. We’ve just concluded that this whole debacle was your fault!”

Krillin gaped, “say _what?_ ”

“We just, you _just said so_. Because of the, uhm. Weak walls? And on account of you not warning me?” Some of that usual strength of conviction seemed to leave the Saiyan, and he turned to Krillin with a silent question in his eye.

Krillin just chuckled. “Like that’s going to fly with _Bulma?_ We’re both fucked my friend.” then, he thought of something else. “What are _you_ worried about? She’s your wife. Isn’t she?” the short, bald fighter moved over, only just stopping himself before clapping the irritable man on the shoulder. “I bet you’re nearly immune to her tantrums by now..?”

Vegeta grunted, eyes cast down again as if talking to himself. “Well, the smacking is kind of sexy, if you can just try and forget on how disappointingly little power she has…” Then, he turned back to Krillin, who had stepped away with his own internal monologue.

One that ran with one very distinct line: ‘ _Too much information, Too much information!’_

Yet the dark-haired man ignored that plea for sanity, moving close, a threatening shadow covering the smaller man “She’ll be screeching if she sees this, and there may be _good_ screeching, but this is going to constitute _bad_ screeching.” Vegeta tapped his biceps with a frown. “ Are you _sure_ you can’t fix it?”

Krillin slouched back, then snorted, spreading his arms in defeat. “Not a chance. Not unless you can find us a professional. You wouldn’t happen to know a fast contract constructor would you?”

It got real quiet, real fast. Like even the sea and the animals knew to shut up, before Vegeta narrowed his eyes at the smaller man. “Human, can I just _verify_ with you. You are aware that I am an _alien?_ ”

Krillin swallowed, “Uhm, yes?”

The accusation cut through any possible validation: “and that I, until four years ago worked as and with creatures destroying everything they ran into?”

“Ok, well. Yeah..” Putting it that way, it did sound like an awfully stupid question.

—“And that I spent a _considerable amount of effort_ in killing anything and everything I knew from back there?”

“Ok!” Krillin threw up his hands. “I get it. You don’t know anyone! I just figured, well; Bulma knows people. And I’m sure there’s stuff that gets broken with you around Capsule Corp.” Krillin faltered, “I mean; at such a big place. I’m sure a lot of things break. Not that I’m saying it’s because of you, but…”

“Hang on.” Vegeta frowned. “I _do_ know someone.”

Next Krillin new, he was alone. The other but a dot on the horizon, leaving Krillin on a deserted Kame island. Panic gripped him. “Vegeta! Come back!”

Bulma could be there any second.

“Don’t abandon me!”


	3. dr fix-it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still having fun with it!

Back as a child, Krillin had always considered himself a reasonably brave person. Sure, he didn't like to take risks like  _ some  _ people; didn’t enjoy fear and danger as some of the children he knew. But he did what he had to, when he had to. And if that meant facing his fears, or even near-certain death,.. well, Krillin though he’d done reasonably well. At least for a human being.

That had all changed when Krillin had met Bulma. Sure, Krillin had met crazy, powerful and aggressive women before. But Bulma wasn’t strong; wasn’t any form of fighter. And still, Krillin feared her like nothing else. Once, in his innocence as a young warrior, Kirllin had believed Bulma to be the craziest, most scary thing in existence.

Then, the Saiyans landed, and for a short time, Krillin found some solace in the fact that there were worse things in the universe than a blue-haired girl with your number up.

Of course, then Bulma and Vegeta had a love-baby, proving Krillin’s initial instincts to be right: that  _ nothing _ could ever be as crazy or disturbed as a Bulma Briefs with an idea in her head.

So to say Krillin’s minutes spend alone on that beach in wait for Bulma —who was no doubt about to get some very violent ideas in her head as soon as she took stock of Kame house— were nerve-wracking, would be an understatement. 

One could also quite safely say that the first feeling Krillin had when spotting that speck on the horizon (after assuring himself that this was actually Vegeta’s ki speeding back towards and not Bulma’s jet) would be one of intense relief; perhaps even thankfulness. 

Any hopes of Vegeta contributing to fixing their plight were quickly dashed though; as the passenger the Saiyan had been carrying simply collapsed on touch-down.

Krillin dashed forward, catching the man as the wheezed and twiched, carefully supporting him down to the sand. Then, recognising those grey hairs and glasses, Krillin nearly had a seizure of his own: “Dende, what did you do to him!”

The prince stepped back, one eye twitching as he defensively crossed his arms back over his chest. “Nothing! Why? What’s wrong with him?”

The little monk paused, considering this. He really wasn’t sure. But the man’s fingers were clutching at Krillin’s gi with a vice, shaking as lips under a heavy mustache moved without words. All that came out was wheezing. Krillin took one hand in his, trying to at least calm the old man. “I think he’s having some sort of attack?”

“That’s ridiculous.” Vegeta was standing over them now, studying the old man with a hint of confusion. “I flew him back extra slow, even remembered to stay under ten Gee in the acceleration and deceleration.”

“Dende, Vegeta! Ten Gees is maximum of what a human can take. A healthy, young human, not.. him!” The severity of the situation hit him, all at once. “How do you always manage to do the  _ one thing _ to make the situation worse?”

“Stop being so dramatic.” Vegeta balled a fist at him, but seemed to reconsider actually striking. Probably because Krillin was still cradling the old man in his arms. “This guy fixed my GR. Some wooden shack should be no problem.”

“Not if he dies first!” Krillin felt helpless. “Oh, great King-Kai-in-the-sky, help me! If Bulma was going to be upset about Kame house think about how she’ll feel when she finds out you..” No, why bother shifting blame? Krillin was as much at fault here as the actual purpertrater. Getting ideas into that thick Saiyan skull. Vegeta might be a one-man wrecking team, Krillin had definitely pointed that devastation in a particular direction. “When she finds out we killed her father!”

“Fah! He’s not going to die.” Vegeta frowned, actually crouching down. “Is he?”

“I don’t know..” If Krillin sounded lost it was because he was. Despite all the death, all the injuries he had experienced and borne witness to, the young fighter was new to this. Was this a form of disease? Could senzu-beans fix this ailing? Or was this a natural death in the occuring? Did it even matter? Flying to Korin and back would take too long. Taking dr Briefs straight to Dende seemed the safest bet. But, if flight had induced this state, would he even make it there?

“Think he wants something.” 

“Wha?” Krillin, brought back to the present, followed Vegeta’s scowl down at the ailing man’s hand. The one Krillin had not clutched in an attempt at consolidation. Dr briefs had released his fingers from Krillin’s gi, and was fumbling with the pocket on his lab’s coat. Relief flooded Krillin. Perhaps.. Yes!

Reaching into the doctor’s pocket, the warrior quickly found what he was looking for: a rectangular metal box. Krillin’s relief was palpable as he opened the thing. Of course! The old man probably had some form of ailment. And he had medicine for it. That made perfect sense! Yet when he opened said container, he could only stare, confused. Those pills were awfully.. long?

Dr Briefs, however, reached in with sudden dexterity, removing one of the long white sticks, a lighter appearing as if magic in his other hand. He breathed in deeply, dragging from his cigarette until nearly half had been turned to red burning ashes. Then, he sighed deeply. “That’s better. Now then, how can I help you, my  _ dear boys? _ ”


	4. with a little spirit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these are like cheetos. I cannot stop.

Doctor Briefs readjusted his glasses, assessing for the third time: “Well I’m more of an engineer than an architect. And I would like to see the damages to this house before I promise anything.”

Krillin nodded, only his years of training in meditation and endurance giving him the patience to prevail, repeating once more. “Yes, it’s here.  _ Right in front of you. _ ” 

The professor adjusted his glasses once more. Looking at; well. Not even Krillin could find any positive ways to look at it. It was garbage. Kame house was a smoking pile of garbage.. Krillin knew that, Vegeta knew it. And now, finally, the good doctor seemed aware as well: “not much left of it is there?”

“No, there’s not,” Krillin admitted. Not of Kame house; and soon, not much of Krillin’s life either. 

“Right. Well, let’s just get to work.” Briefs brought his hands together, clapping in signification that he’d at long last come down from his theoretical cloud and was about to get down and dirty.

_ Finally.  _ Krillin sighed, relieved. 

“Where’s that house of yours then?”

And.. there it was. Krillin faceplanted, finally at the end of buddhist patience. He had not even known such a thing excited, yet here he was. If this went on.. If this went on, Krillin would be the one to kill Doctor Briefs. So, at this point he might as well call over the third party at the island, “Vegeta,” he turned to where the Saiyan was walking circles into the sand. “Your turn. I tap out.”

The other came up, an annoyed twitch in his eye, and declared. “The last Kame house  _ sucked. _ We want a better one. If you can’t do it, I think I know a few experts in the field that can. Your daughter. That Gero fellow.”

Krillin nearly protested that Gero was dead. But he caught himself, watching the Professor’s expression morph from mildly confused to hard determination. It seemed Vegeta was more apt at professor speak then he’d given the man credit for, for the old man now huffed in annoyance. “Now hang on, son. I never said I  _ could not do it _ . I just don’t think I have what I need to work with here.”

Vegeta snorted, crossing his arms, as the professor continued, in a lot less airy tone. “I do think the foundations can be reused. But I’m going to need a lot of materials, not to mention a team of construction workers.”

In rare admiration, Krillin shook his head at himself.  _ Of course  _ these two had reached some kind of understanding. They lived in the same house, big as Capsule Corp was. And perhaps a warrior prince and the earth leading scientist had a few things in common. Things like a thirst for competition. Krillin really need not have worried about Vegeta blowing the old man up after all. Although the Saiyan did seem to be getting more irritable by the second.

Krillin thought he understood what that was about. He lowered his voice so only the Siayan would hear, whispering to the side. “How long do we have until Bulma gets here?”

Vegeta grunted. “She should have been here by now. But her ki is still in the city, probably inside that horrid shoe boutique. We might still have time...” then, he turned back to the doctor, rolling back his shoulders. “Right, so workers. How many?”

The doctor nodded, patting down his pockets. “I could have called some. But I seem to have stepped out without my mobile. I seem to have forgotten my wallet at home as well. How very careless of me.”

At that Krillin could not help but slant an accusatory stare at Vegeta. Because, no doubt he’d abducted the professor without giving him time to bring anything. Vegeta just harrumphed. “Never mind, I’ll just pick up an odd twenty. It’s the ones with yellow hats, right?”

A vision of the Saiyan flying over the closest towns, picking up anyone wearing anything resembling a yellow construction helmet came to mind. The vision continued, Vegeta carrying twenty people across the sea like a bunch of grapes, several of those crashing into the sea unnoticed. 

“Perhaps it would be best if I find the workers?” he opted, shaking said vision. “I do think I might be more of a people person,.. and also…” observing the warrior’s frown made Krillin think of a better phrasing. “The wood would be the heaviest load, and you’re the strongest…?”

Vegeta had crossed his arms again and was now leering down at him. Krillin knew better than to let that bother him. Vegeta leered down at everyone. Including those that should have towered over him. It was probably just a skill; possibly something Krillin could learn. Should learn. It seemed to come in handy. Still, the earth-fighter winced slightly when the dark-haired man cracked a smirk. “Obviously.”

A swallow, and Krillin thankfully found himself still amongst the living. He straightened, fighting that nervous laugh, because he was nearly sure he’d somehow missed an important piece of sub-text. 

Vegeta however had already turned back towards Dr Briefs. “So, workers and wood? That’s it?”

“Mmmh.” the old man nodded, patting himself down for another cigarette, ‘for starters.”

Vegeta grunted his own affirmation, then grinned wide in a near genuine smile. “Hey, baldy.” 

Krillin turned towards the other warrior, noting with some prepedition that glint in his eye.  _ Dende, not this! _ he prayed. 

“Bet I’ll be back first!” And with that, the Saiyan prince was again but a speeding speck of blue against the horizon. 

The guardian of earth had not heard Krillin’s prayers. This had somehow turned into a  _ competition. _


	5. A construct of society

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yuup...

When Krillin got back to Kame island carrying a van of workers, he wasn’t surprised at all at being greeted by an elated Vegeta. “Took you long enough, human. I was about to get the workers too. After all, I got thirty wood instead of twenty. Even the old man says we’ll never need that many.”

Krillin placed the van on the beach, next to the dock and their one boat. “Thirty.. wood?” He stared, a little confused at what he was seeing. Kame island had always had a few palm trees, some shrubbery. But apparently it had now sprouted a heavy thicklet of leaves. “Is that..” Krillin gave up, the workmen filing out of their van quietly. He’d spent more time then he meant talking them into this, promising it would be worth their while but.. “What _is_ that?”

The Saiyan blinked his black eyes at him, losing some of that smugness to confusion. “Thirty wood?”

Krillin looked from the dense mountain of leaves to the Saiyan to the professor. Doctor Briefs seemed too busy to pay either of them heed, however, drawing figures in the sand with a stick out on the far side of the beach. Finally, as Krillin walked around the pile with the foreman coming up to his side, he realised what he was looking at. The foreman made an angry noise in his throat. “You said materials would be on site. A stack of trees are _not_ materials. They’re _raw._ This will never be done in a day.”

An angry growl escaped the Saiyan, and he grabbed the man by his shirt. “You better _believe_ it will be done. You’ve got two, maybe three hours.”

Damage control. Where had Krillin’s life become one long descent into controlling calamities? The little fighter felt like he’d only started to tackle one problem, but already two new ones had come in its wake. Still, he jumped in, prying Vegeta’s strong fingers from a now-seething foreman. “He has a point, Vegeta. You were supposed to get us planks. Not uprooted trees.”

Vegeta gave him a dubious stare. “What’s the difference? Wood is wood.”

“It’s not, it’s..” Krillin scratched his head. What _was_ the difference? They could just cut this stuff, couldn’t they? Or was there some kind of chemical treatment the wood needed to be subjected to before used for outdoor work? He didn’t really know.. Krillin turned to the foreman. “ _Can_ we use this?”

The man was frowning, obviously angry. “Absolutely not. My men do not work with raw materials. And we also do not work with crazy customers. I knew I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this. Take us back.”

Another angry growl, “I give the orders here, human. Now get to..”

But Krillin pushed himself in front of the seething Saiyan, shushing him with bravery brought on by dire need. “Just let me handle the humans, okay? I got this. _I’m_ a human, I _get_ them.”

Vegeta frowned. “I really think I’m more apt to put down dissent. So far I’m hardly impressed by his willingness to obey, nor by your commanding presence.”

Well, Krillin supposed that was true. But, perhaps Vegeta wasn’t aware that sometimes threats and force were not the best motivators? No; scratch that; Vegeta obviously was not aware other motivators even existed. “Foreman,” he addressed. “Please! I promise I’ll make it worth your while. Look, you’ll be working with the great doctor Briefs! Just the reverence will be worth it.”

The foreman seemed to waver, but finally stepped closer. “Fair enough, but your partner does not instill a lot of faith. Also, with what I have to work with here..”

“He’s royalty. You know how they are,” Krillin though for a moment, deciding name-dropping might actually get him somewhere here, “and Bulma Brief’s husband!”

The man harrumphed, clearly impressed. “Very well. But double pay, and I want it up front.”

That.. made Krillin panic. Really, utterly panic. Cold sweat broke out on his back as he realised.. how was he supposed to pay for any of this? He had a few bucks saved up. But nothing close to enough to buy a house. He looked towards the professor, but remembered the man had nothing on him, not right now.

Vegeta cleared his throat, his arms again crossed and a finger playing at his biceps in what Krillin was beginning to realise was an attempt at staving off hitting things. “Perhaps the man requires my rectangle of authentication?”

“Your what?” Krillin asked, just as the foreman sneered. “No, I need _money._ ”

Vegeta just nodded, his jaw working. “That’s what you _all say._ Until I set you straight. I’ll have you know I’m the prince of Saiyans. And my card proves that.. so..” he frowned. “although it doesn’t even say that on the card. But Bulma says it’s proof for you lot.”

The foreman shook his head. “No, I want cold hard cash, now. I know your type. Nothing but trouble, so unless your card is made of gold...”

“It’s not.” Vegeta nodded. “I keep telling everyone it’s not.”

Exasperated, Krillin sighed. This was never going to work. Why couldn’t he just have resigned himself to his fate? Now, Vegeta was probably going to add a kill list to the demolished house, and Krillin knew he'd somehow be held responsible for it all.

“And yet you never believe me..”

Krillin’s breath caught. “Vegeta, can I see that card?”

The Saiyan nodded to himself again. “See? You always want my rectangle,” and fished a piece of plastic from his armor.

“That’s… that’s a gold card.” Krillin whispered in awe.

Vegeta snorted. “That’s what I keep _telling_ everyone. It's not real gold. It’s just plastic with some paint on there.”

Yet the foreman put on a grin, writing down the numbers on a slip of paper. “Pleasure doing business with you. Now, we need to do something about that wood.”

Just then, doctor Briefs walked up to them, excitement obvious in his step. “I’ve got it!” he started to draw in the sand, round and round. “I know, usually we cut the trees in the length, but how about this time, we do it diagonale?”

Confused, Krillin turned to Vegeta, who just shrugged. “He likes circles.”

It was only then that Krillin realised. “This is never going to work, is it?”


	6. short fuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> time for popcorn and roasted marshmallows? as long as everyone's still having fun ;)

“No! Absolutely not!”  If Krillin was surprised at the finality of own his tone, Vegeta seemed totally taken aback. The prince sputtered, some internal debate playing over his features that no doubt featured Krillin skewered or Krillin exploded, but the earth fighter didn’t give the volatile Saiyan time come to a decision on that.

After all, Krillin had been slaving non-stop, not even a moment for a breather, damnit. Collecting materials, stripping down trees. Flying left and right, and all the while Vegeta stood at the beach, staring into the distance while trying to put up a demeanor of calm. And yes, obviously, Krillin _ had _ asked that of the prince. And yes, obviously, that was the most productive a planetary destroyer was going to get, and yes, obviously, he just wished Vegeta had kept up that stoich charade, instead of marching over and declaring: “this is all taking too long,” as he just had.

Still Krillin had been doing all the actual work; had been contributing, getting a scatterbrained doctor Briefs and the foreman to work together, working out all the kinks and everything. So, instead of letting Vegeta get any traction on his ridiculous idea, he just restated. “There will be  _ no fire _ .”

Vegeta tisked, the possibility of simply acting on impulse averted by his inescapable need to argue. “It’s not a  _ fire, _ it’s controlled heating by use of ki.” 

“Right, and what happens to leaves when you heat them?” Krillin accused, “they burn, Vegeta. What, ever heard of a forest fire?” if Vegeta had his way with these trees, stripping them of their foliage in such a way that’s exactly what they’d be dealing with.

“Well yes, actually.” The Saiyan had the audacity to look pleased about this. “I’m quite the expert on forest fires. And city fires. And algae fires, and..”

_ Stupid queestion, _ Krillin realised. No; more like he should have worded it differently. “And have you ever, in all those times, tried to  _ extinguish _ a fire?”

A pause; “Well no, but. How hard can it be? We’re literally surrounded by the sea.”

Krillin didn't bother explaining about the heat, and how all their wood, not just the foliage would burn. He didn’t bother explaining how that fire would no doubt spread to the palm trees, to the little work corner the builders had set up to cut their planks at the right length. And how it would finally burn down every inch of work they had done so far back to the ground.. Krillin just figured he’d go right for the pride. That usually worked best for the prince. “Look; I get it. All this stuff is beneath you. Just stand on you rock and look in control will you? I’m on top of this.”

Ï’m not just standing around.” the Prince actually sounded offended. I was tracking Bulma’s ki. Besides, you’ve literally only stripped two trees, and we’ve already wasted over an hour.”

That did bother Krillin. Just like it bothered Krillin how he’d gotten into this situation. He’d only ran into Bulma and Vegeta while doing grocery shopping at the town. —The town Bulma was now  still stationary.— After exchanging pleasantries, and Krillin explaining he was just about to head home for lunch.. Well, how  _ had  _ he ended up here, with his house ruined and ankle deep in certain death? Yet there was no time to evaluate. “They assured me that was enough for now, so why don't you just..?”

“Really?” Vegeta cut in snidely, eyes towards the building site. “Who assured you? because it sounds to me like there may be different opinions over there.”

Indeed, one quick look was enough to convince Krillin. Again, he’d only just tackled one almost-literal fire, and again, two had taken its place. Several workmen were yelling at each other, obviously very displeased. But the loudest were the foreman and professor Briefs, at the hastily confiscated drawing table, in obvious discord. 

“Stay here.” the told Vegeta, wondering if he’d finally given up on life. “And no fires!”

Vegeta just harrumphed, crossing his arms with surprisingly little resistance. “Old man does like his circles, doesn’t he?”

Well, that was an odd thing to say. But Krillin didn't have time to think on that. He should just be happy he didn’t have to argue further. Or worse. So, instead he jogged to the professor and the construction worker’s front man, jumping in between as their argument bordered on becoming physical. “Gentlemen, gentlemen, please!”

“Krillin, my boy!” the professor called, in relief. “Explain to this man that I know what I’m about?”

Just at the same time, the foreman threw his hands up. “I take it back, sir. That son-in-law Prince is not the crazy one in that family.  _ This _ guy is!”

There was only one way Krilling knew how to respond to this much hostility; to these two men nearly coming to blows while his life was on the line. Krillin giggled nervously. “Oh, please now! I’m sure everything can be worked out..”

“No, actually, it can’t,” the foreman pointed an accusatory finger at Dr Briefs. “Because that so-called genius is ignoring every safely rule in the book.”

Dr Briefs tisked back, hands on hips, a grey duplicate of his daughter. “I’ll have you know my constructs are of the best and highest safety standards, and only blow up five-point seven percent of the time..”

“Come on, gentlemen..” Krillin reasoned. “Let’s all..” but whatever he’d been planning to say left the diminutive fighter’s mind, the moment he looked up from the table and onto the skeleton construction of what was to be the new Kame house. Long lines of wood connecting in a center of what could only be described as a ferris wheel set on conquering the third dimension. Krilin could only ask in bewilderment “why is my new house shaped like a ball?”

That set both the professor and the foreman into a screaming bout. Out of which Krillin could only catch the doctor’s incessant ‘best shape,” and the foreman’s admonishing “not safe.” after a moment, the screaming became so loud the fighter found himself joining in, a wordless cry of panic as he put his hands over his ears. Somehow, the noise got louder, and louder still. Until Krillin realised other voices had joined in..

And, down it went. That oversized snow-flake for a house’s retaining construct. Workmen already running from the epicenter, as a slow, growing huff accompanied the thing going down.

“Well,” Doctor briefs put in after a silent moment. “At least we can do better the second time…”

“No second time.” it was Vegeta, growling as he marched up to them stiffly. “No time at all; we’ve just officially ran out.”

Krillin would have asked what he meant, but that little ki that he’d not been able to tell apart before was now on her own and moving their way. “Bulma!” Krillin could only reiterate what he had known all along. “We’re doomed!”


	7. family values

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its a bit short this one, but the next will follow soon my friends! thanks for all the encouragement!

“It’s over!” Krillin was aware he was wailing. It was just that he was past caring. “And just when I my life had finally taken a turn for the better!” Rivers of snot ran from his nose, floods of tears from his eyes. A sight apparently so disgusting it had the Saiyan prince cringing away from him with a sneer. 

“Stop being melodramatic!” Vegeta snapped, posture defensive.

But why would Krillin pay heed to such warnings at this point? He was going to die; there was just no way out. And likely, if Vegeta decided to blast him, that might well be a mercy compared to what Bulma would do. "I had so much to live for! I was going to take Eighteen to that little pizza shop for our second date!” How he's dreamed about that! And whatever came after. All up to that beautiful moment where they would have this big American wedding. She’d be stunning in white,.. and she would kiss him again…

Yet that was over now too; poor Eighteen. The next time she’d see him would be at Krillin’s funeral. “I should have known it was too good to last!”

That seemed to give the darker, spiky haired half of the unwanted dou pause. “You’re dating Miss Plastic-fantastic? None of you Earthlings have but an  _ ounce _ of shame, do you..?” 

Krillin didn’t answer these allegations; Vegeta was the last person in the galaxy that should be allowed to judge the character of what was the nicest girl—no, the _ best woman all round _ in existence. Instead, Krillin took vengeance in a different, much more satisfactory manner. He latched onto the Saiyan Prince’s arm and wailed loudly as he drivelled all over Vegeta's immaculate blue shirt: “why am I cursed like thiiiis?”

Without warning Krillin’s vision pivoted sideways and back as his head was slapped left, then to the right. He nearly lost balance, and had to take two teetering steps back not to fall flat on his arse. When he finally could again focus on the man in front of him Vegeta was shaking his fist at him. “Snap out of it, you pathetic weakling, I will not stand for..”

Krillin laughed right over that bravado; right over that shocked face too. He knew he sounded like a maniac; looked it too, his nose bleeding as he swayed on unsteady legs. And yet. “You're  _ right  _ Vegeta, what do I have to worry about? Bulma’s just going to kill me. And she might do it slow, and she might torture me, but she probably will not even be able to kill _ you. _ ”

Oh, there would be justice beyond the grave. Krillin’s grin held quite a bit of malice. “You’ll have to keep living with her, even when she feels obligated to house  _ Master Roshi. _ At  _ Capsule Corp; _ even as she steams and froths at the man’s constant lewdness for months.. and she’ll take it all out on you, won’t she?”

“The woman could never hurt..” Vegeta shook his head, looking to the side once, then changing his tone to something akin to reason, but Krillin recognised the desperation. “Here, whatever happened to that ‘ _ never give up _ ' shit? I thought you Earthlings were all about that ‘ _ keep the hope’ _ ?  _ ‘Fight till the end’ _ ? Whatever?”

Krillin snorted, his last strength leaving him. “Yeeeeah, well. That was when we still had  _ Goku, _ wasn’t it? But, he’s dead now. And all we have left is..”

Oh. OH! 

There was still a way; a way to fix it all, to set everything right! There was  _ still _ hope! Krillin could feel it bubble up inside of him, see a corresponding gleam mirror in the Saiyan’s eyes, as they yelled at each other in unison:

“The Dragonballs!”


	8. Homing

There was not a moment to lose. How long would it take Bulma to cross the little piece of sea separating Kame Island and the nearest town? Twenty minutes? Maybe thirty, if Bulma had finally kicked the habit of speeding every chance she could get. Actually, Krillin realised, they probably had no more than fifteen minutes at best.

“Doctor Briefs, you have to help us!” Krillen implored, running up to the old man that was furiously redesigning Kame house on the procured drawing table standing on the beach. It would have been a consolidation the man was at least still trying, but Krillin could not help notice the circling motion his pen kept repeating. Chances of the next attempt of Kame house being anything more.. Square were slim at best. No, their best bet was a wish upon the balls. “Dr Briefs, please!”

The professor hummed, only pairing for a drag of his cigarette before scribbling on. "That's what I'm doing, my boy.."

"Never mind that now!" Krillin bounced on his toes, arms waving. "We'll take care of that. But we need more _ time _ . Take our boat, and go distract Bulma!”

That actually paused the old man. “My dear boy, you must understand I never keep anything from my daughter. Why, I can hardly function without her...” the professor trailed off, again deep within his work. Krillin turned to the one she was yet again his unwanted ally.

"What? I thought you said directing the humans was your expertise?" Vegeta snapped.

At which Krillin would have liked to say Dr Briefs hardly qualified as human. He was too weird, too odd. And just too much "briefs". Personally, Keillom rather reasoned with someone like Puar. Him and her had more in common. But all he said was "he's your father in law…"

To which Vegeta frowned in annoyance. But he did step up to the doctor, pulling him from his work and shaking him with what was probably great care for the Prince. "Now look here, if Bulma find out about any of this, I swear I'm blowing up your ditzy wife-- no, worse! I'll blow up her petunias. "

Dr Briefs blinked, finally giving the pair his full attention. He looked from Vegeta, to Krillin, and back to Vegeta, asking with some confusion: "finds out about what?"

Vegeta dropped the man, and made a sound suspiciously like a scream, before he stormed off towards the wreckage of Kame house, roughly shoving a loitering worker to the side.

"Doctor Briefs, please!" Krillin found himself begging. Again. "If you can just distract your daughter. Just for a few hours.. " 

"Distract my girl?" Briefs sounded incredulous. "Why no, I really think I’m the more distracted one. Though that falling does come with age."

Just then Vegeta marched right up, a giant marble clutched in his hand, and after shaking it aggressively, he shoved it at the professor. “I need my GR to do this for next.. What was it? Quartering? No, Crucifixion. Yes, for the next crucifixion party.”

Krillin stared as the old man took the snowglobe, studying the likeliness of Satan city in fake snow.

“Vegeta?” Krillin admonished, confused. “This hardly seems the time for GR upgradessss~..” Krillin hissed as his breath was taken from him with a sharp elbow to the side. Vegeta didn’t even look at him though, eyes sharp on the mumbling Dr Briefs. And after another moment Krillin too saw magic work itself.

“The snow itself is easy enough. A simple question of meteotechnics… but how do we get the snow crystals to not collapse on themselves in four hundred Gee.." the doctor was again making notes on his table, even more urgently than before. "Vegeta my boy, do you think a hexioctagonal shape would hold out, or would that too collapse at 345?” 

Vegeta shrugged at the question, somehow oblivious yet wholly prepared. “Don't know, don't care. Does that mean you can’t do it?”

“No, of course I can. I just need to consult…” the Professor frowned. “Has anyone seen my daughter? I really need to speak to her.”

“Oh.” Krillin blinked in astonishment. “She should be thirty miles out over sea that way, heading here. You can borrow our boat.”

“Oh, thank you my boy! I’m much obliged.” the doctor grabbed his papers, running towards the boat at a slouched jog, cigarette smoke trailing from him. Only as Krillin watched the boat speed off did he wonder. "But how do we know he won't miss her out there in the sea."

Vegeta shrugged. "That's a Briefs with an idea in his head. If he thinks he needs the woman, he will find the woman. They're all crazy like that."

  
  



	9. whiff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its not you its me...

"How do you even know it's in here?" Voices muffled from beyond the closed door; a dark and cluttered workspace broken from its quiet inertia.

"I just know, okay. Now- here we go." The door swung open, Vegeta taking one worried glance inside, switching on the lights besides the door, then stepped back, outside into the hall, making a sweeping gesture towards Krillin. "It's all yours."

Krillin fidgeted. " What? _Why?_   What's in there?"

"Nothing." Vegeta assured him; though he appeared to be stepping back into the hall further. "It's just Bulmas private workspace. Nothing dangerous. Go on, find that Dragon radar."

Looking back towards the door Killin worried his lip. What could be in there? After all, this was just _Bulma_ , right? Good, old, sweet, laser toting, doomsday-device building Bulma. "Yipes!" Krillin accentuated the realisation, jumping behind Vegeta.

"Yikes what?" The other asked, voice suspicious, "anything in there move?"

Krillin stared. Vegrta pushed him away. Finally, he dared. "Noo..," a slow swallow, " _should_ anything be moving in there?"

Vegeta grouched, turned towards him with his trademark scowl, but as soon as he breathed in to berate him, the man visibly flinched. "Ah. _Anyway,_  just get in there and find that radar. You were practically _created_ for this job."

"Why?" Suspicion was running rampart now, in Krillin' s mind. "What's in there? What are you _afraid_ of?"

"Damn it, human!" teeth snapping, Vegeta did his best imitation of an angry guard-dog-catching-a-trespasser-in-the-act imitation, “If you so much as _suggest_ , _one more time…,_ ” and then he ruined it; ruined it by looking positively sick. After a thick swallow he continued: “just get the damn radar? She practically dangled it in my face so its inside, but I cannot stay another minute this close…”

Krillin wanted to protest further; because he didn't trust any of this. Still. “Do you _promise_ there’s nothing dangerous in there.”

“Nothing dangerous to _you…_ ”

“Well..” It didn’t feel right; didn’t feel right. But, Krillin wanted to trust Vegeta; wanted to believe him.. And, yes; he should give the Saiyan the benefit of the doubt. “If you promise..”

Krillin dared; finally stepped towards the threshold and peered inside. “You promise there’s nothing alive in here?”

Vegeta grunted, somewhere back in the hall, waving his hand over what appeared to be an air vent. “Nothing. Well, maybe a cockroach or a rat..”

“Oh.” oh.. dear Dende, what a mess! How was it possible for one woman to create something like this? Half a step closer had finally revealed why a Saiyan prince would not be stepping inside. Pizza boxes and unassorted plates, plastic containers and other cutlery mixed in with buckets of bolts and peters carrying unknown solutions. Krillin had to step over three half-eaten and now moulding instant-noodle cups, and nearly knocked over one of the hundreds of half-empty coffee cups now hosting some form of fungal life. And in every cup, on every surface at least two or more cigarette buts were put out. “How can anyone work like this..!”

“Don't touch anything!” Vegeta called, possibly further away than before. “She’ll know. Just get the radar and let’s go.”

“If I can’t touch anything how do I find it?” aah! The stench.. Oh. No. wait; that didn’t bother Krillin, did it? Because Krillin didn't have a no nose.. Now it made sense. Why Vegeta would not go inside. And why Krillin would be the perfect candidate for this job.

From down the hallway, Vegeta informed: "It was in her underpants drawer in her room the last three times. So im guessing underpants here as well."

"Seriously?" When would Bulma ever grow up? But then also, "she's not going to have underpants in her office lab! That's silly Vegeta.." then again, this was Bulma Briefs. Then again, _that was definitely_ a fine lace bras string hanging from that drawer. . "Wait…"

Well, Krillin supposed Bulma was nothing if not a disorganised tsunami of a mess. Putting things in the wrong place was just her modus operandi, as Krillin had learned on their trip together in that spaceship to Namek. Bulma kept ionic solutions in the fridge, kept her spanners in cups on the book shelf and apparently had a drawer at her desk where she kept some spare sets of underpants. That was just a part of what Bulma was. Her character.

Speaking of character… Krillin stepped over what might have been salami pizza making love to the innards of an alarm clock. “You know, Vegeta, I really never pegged you as the kind of guy to be okay with some other fellow going through his wife’s underwear. You _are_ cool with this, right Vegeta?”

There was no answer, and Krillin turned back a little, hand reaching for that drawer. “Vegeta?”

“Yeah.” Krillin was shoved back, tripping over at least five cups and stepping into something squashy. “I’m not;” Vegeta definitely was not cool with that. But before Krillin had fully regained his balance, Vegeta was shouldering past him again, drawer shoved closed and radar in hand. And face very, very pale.

Krillin sighed, counting to ten before going back down the hall, up the stairs to follow Vegeta back out into the lawn. He found the Saiyan hunched over a flower patch, wiping his mouth with one hand. When he finally noticed Krillin he choked in bewilderment: “how does she _function in that place?_ How does she _breathe?!_ ”

That was a mystery to the noseless man as well; for he might not have been able to smell that mess, but he was still disgusted. “Bulma never did know how to clean after herself. But, I do have to wonder, doesn’t the Briefs family have help for this?”

Vegeta straightened up, one hand resting at his hip as he looked down. “The last two of the staff sent down for that purpose quit the next day. The woman made an intelligent robot to clean after herself after that. But it short circuited in the first week of testing.”

Krillin rubber his shaven head. “Are you saying..?”

“Hn. as a Saiyan warrior, I should not condone suicide…”

“Still, that robot just had too much of a brain to want to live, right?” Krillin grinned. “I think we’d better get on it.” the two little ki signatures he’d been keeping an eye on, near kame house, were heading their way.

Vegeta felt it too. “She’s heading over here…”

“Right. Let’s go.”

“Or.” Vegeta smirked, “I just get inside my Gravity Chamber and let you fix your own problems. The woman will never know.”

“No you can’t. Help me find the Dragon Balls. Come on!”


	10. wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> miss me?

“Vegeta!” voice jumping; from all that screaming. Panic.

If everything was not bad enough, would Krillin actually, really be left to fend for himself? In this dire situation? By the man he had trusted,.. No; who was he kidding. Krillin had always known the Saiyan would drop him in a heartbeat. “Vegeta, open this door right now.” 

Krillin could hardly hear his intended target, calm but firm, at the other side of the door. “That’s the right note, but I doubt I could even hear your screech when I turn the engines on.. You aint got nothing on the female.” 

Something from inside the GR whirled, softly at first, but Krillin was aware that this noise would be louder and louder, giving him only a few last seconds to reason. Panic filled his system. Cold sweat and breath coming rapidly. Why did he spend so much time of his life panicking? It was not his nature, damn them. It was his constant nurture; the crazy company he was forced to keep…

“Just think, think for one moment. This will never work!” the end was the loudest he’d ever screamed, and after that, Krillin he doubted the other party, behind that door and surrounded by the humm of gravity increased to inhuman proportions would hear him. So with a last thump to the gravity room’s door, Krillin put his head to the smooth steel, and waited.

He’d just about given up when the sound whirled back to silence. Hope resurfaced. But, Vegeta’s voice cut down any misconceptions, clearing his voice. “Just to be clear, if you snitch on me, you’re dead.”

Ah, but no. Krillin had come too far; had held out too long, to be giving up this easily. So, Krillin did what he always did when faced with odds that should have had him turning tail, but some part of him -some stupidly brave part- refused to even count retreat as an option. He laughed. “What? Why would I  _ need _ to? Or do you expect me to keep the truth from Bulma?”

“She’ll be too busy building me snow,” the other countered, grumbled and mumbled, nearly incoherently and slightly too soft for Krillin to follow. Krillin did catch a few words in there. ‘Fucking’, several times, ‘chrusifiction’, at least once, then ‘cold’. And the whole line ‘stupid frozen water’.

Krillin decided to ignore all of that. “Master Roshi is going to  _ talk _ . Oolong is going to _ talk. _ They will talk to  _ Yamcha, and Puar. _ They’ll talk to Gohan, to Chichi. One of those people  _ will _ talk to Bulma. You know this.”

“I’ll hold you personally responsible if they do!” the voice at the far end warned.

“Shut those two spinnsters? How? Besides, even if I did, Bulma may hate their guts but they call her regularly. And even with how much she dislikes them, if they stop calling she’ll feel snubbed, and will probably show up at Kame Island out of spite… then, they  _ will _ talk!”

“I’ve warned you, and she’ll be working…”

“For how long? A day? A week? Girl’s built a  _ time-machine.  _ A little snow is peanuts for her, besides,” Krillin changed his tone to one of appeal, “we’re in this one together. There’s no way around it!”

No answer. 

“Come on, buddy, _ please? _ We’ll be a team. It will be like Namek; only this will be super easy, for you! We’ll have my house fixed in no time, and you can just get back to training without having to look over your shoulder every moment.” Krilin’s plea was accentuated with a few slaps to the door.

“I hated Namek.” the door returned neutrally; more neutrally than Krillin had expected. Surprise, then doubt.  _ It’s too easy! _ But Krillin shoved that thought away. Desperation overcoming sense.

An opening! “But, now you can finally summon the dragon. Just because you know, you can! You’ve been wanting to do that since years ago, right?”

“... I guess.” Vegeta’s tone didn't seem convinced. But Krillin made it so. In his own mind, than willed it true.

“Alright!” he yelled with abandon.

“One condition.” the door slowly opened. “I summon the actual dragon.”

That didn't sound like a bad deal. Did it?


	11. ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vegeta is an ass.

Three little children played with the ball; the smallest of the three pulling it’s foot back only to abort a kick, then a second one, Finally it crouching down, chubby hands flailing, and picking up the little orange ball. The stars inside glittered, and the toddler spent a few moments mesmerized, before throwing it towards his friend. The other boy nearly cheered, pleased at both his friend picking him, and the ball actually rolling straight towards him. Yet, before he could even crouch down to recieve, the ball bumped into a white-booted foot, and stopped.

Dark eyes and a cruel sneer leared down, before Vegeta proclaimed, in a tone of satisfaction. “Not quite taking candy from a baby, but still...”

The three children had started crying even before Krillin had managed to catch up with the Saiyan prince. “Vegeta! You can’t just.. _take_ it!”

Several mothers and at least two dads were already up, postures indignant.

“Ah, but you see. I already _did._ ” Vegeta quirked an eyebrow. Something about his pose.. About his eagerness made Krillin remember the way the Prince had been back on Namek. He hadn’t been this driven,.. Hadn’t been enjoying himself this much in quite a while it seemed.  “Feels damn good too.”

A cacophony of voices broke out, all around, and Krillin could only put his hands to his ears and profusely apologise. Vegeta just let out a slow breath, elevating without even bothering with the humans. “Where’s the next one?”

“Oh dear Dende!” Krillin hiccuped, pulling his wallet to at least offer the parents some financial compensation. “Please, it’s on me. Buy a new ball. And ice-cream for the little ones?”

When Krillin made it up into the air, Vegeta frowned. “Took you long enough. Now, where’s the next one.”

It was a testament to Krillin’s bravery he put his foot down. Or, at least, made his stand.. Or at least. How do you stand firm in the air? Krillin wasn’t sure. “Now, just a moment, Vegeta. We really can’t keep doing things like..”

“Coordinates. Next. Ball.”

Vegeta didn't scream. Hardly even raised his voice. Just, you know, did that threatening thing with his eyes? And, well, Krillin really _did_ want to take that stand, but as he was still floating. And, also. The testament to Krillin’s strength seemed to mostly testify to the fact that.. Krillin really didn't have that much guts with an angry Saiyan staring him down. Krillin looked at the radar. “I think that’s Chichi’s house.”

“Oh, good. I hate her.”

“Good?” Krillin’s worry intensified. Doubled. Quadrupled. It multiplied like a little fertilized egg, dividing and growing until it sprung little arms and legs. Legs so that it starting to run circles now; little circles around Krillin’s head. Like it was mocking him: _Nice going, Krillin, if only you’d have had some strength of character before you wouldn't need to be experience this height of panic attack induced asphyxia now..._ “Why would you want to go and talk to Chichi, when you just admitted hating her?”

“Talk?” Vegeta grinned, then sped off.

No talking then. “You are aware that most women — but Chihi most of all..” Krillin had been screaming to Vegeta’s retreating back. But, by now, Krillin knew no one was listening, “respond very poorly to threats?” 

Voice trailing off, Krillin sighed, looked down at the little blimp on the radar, and followed along. At a leisurely pace. Sure, Chichi was just a poor widow; didn’t really deserve this menace visiting her. Then again, Chichi was her own menace in her own right and… Krillin sighed. “Oh dear Dende!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chichi's dealing, okay?

Cutting vegetables..

 

Chichi was a strong woman.

Always had been strong. Didn’t take shit from no one. Knew how to keep standing in a man’s world. So, what? Her husband turned out to be an alien? No problem. _She handled it._ Handled it well. So, her son got abducted to fight more aliens that came after her husband? Yeah. she was on top of that shit. Cool as ice. Voice of reason.

 

She breathed in deeply. It was important to remember not to cut too hard. Not to make too much noise. Gohan was upstairs, studying. And the baby.. the baby was finally _—finally!—_ asleep.

 

Yes it was important she remained calm. Let it never be said that she got over emotional. Or soft. Or anything else a woman might be accused of. No; she stayed on target; got her boy back. Got him back on track, back in school..

 

Even when the aliens got replaced by a galactic tyrant, then androids, then a giant bug, and her husband and little baby had to go fight them all…

She had been the one thinking. Allowing for the earth to keep existing, yes. But thinking of her boy’s education first. Of their future.

 

And then her husband had to go and get killed.

 

And had to go and decide to stay dead.

 

No; no. this was no time to think like this. If she went down that path.. If she went there.. Besides, that wasn’t the worst of it was it?

 

Because he’d also _knocked her up_ . Left her all alone, to carry a child. And now; now, with the little baby and the crying and alwayshungryandGohanstill so youngandtrying _toshoulderresponsibilitywhen her husbandshould have beenthereand taking care of her._ nosleepnosleep all alone and had to be strongbutsifuckingtired...

But, no! Didn’t matter. She was strong. Had to be strong; for her baby. For _both_ her babies.

 

Chichi was a strong woman. Yes, she wondered where it had all gone wrong; where her perfect marriage had turned into this hell, but..

 

Chich attacked the vegetables, cooking dinner, and ignored the tears burning in her eyes; how the threatened to flow. No, she fought against them, channeling anger instead of.. Of..

 

And then, suddenly, that asshole showed up, right behind her, sticking a finger to her back threateningly, announcing: “I’m here for the ball. Give it now and maybe you get to live.”

 

And.. though his voice hadn’t been that loud, it had been menacing. And nasty. And that, of course made the baby cry. Start crying _again._ So, no point in trying to stay quiet herself now. And, _funny thing_ , Chichi didn't really give a fuck about living right now. Imagine that.

 

-

Krillin had seen a house shake before. Hell, he had just seen his own house sag in defeat and tumble, thanks to the Saiyan prince. He’d never thought one could make a whole house tremble simply by screaming though.

 

“She’s _crazy._ ” the voice nearly made Krillin jump. 

 

Okay, so he had been right not to worry. But, well, this was kind of weird. Krillen turned from where he’d been regarding the Son residence from a reasonably safe distance, asking Vegeta: “who is she screaming at?”

 

Though the answer was given by Chichi herself, a litany of words drifting out to them, all of them condemning the Prince for killing her husband, endangering her sons, and being a generally unsavory character. 

 

It occurred to Krillin that Chichi might actually be the best judge of character in his circle of friends. Surprisingly sharp for a woman that could get so deep into her rants that she had jet to realize the intended target of her fury had removed himself from her presence for a while now. Regardless, she had managed to unsettle the prince. “Why the fuck did Kakarot even marry her?”

 

“Long story.” Krillin admitted. Watching the house literally shake from the power of her voice; her rage alone. 

 

“She threw a knife at me.” Vegeta peered towards the house, a bemused frown on his face. Like he’d never had a knife thrown at him before. And somehow, Krillin highly doubted that. “And two big pots. And a lettuce bowl.” 

 

Yes; well. That did sound like Chichi. But Krillin did agree that a lettuce bowl was an odd choice; lettuce bowl weren’t even heavy. Not likely to cause much damage to an alien prince invading your house. 

 

Still, Vegeta was obviously giving it a rather unnecessary amount of thought. Crossing his arms with a near wide-eyed expression as he regarded the still-shaking house. Because, seriously, the only reason a lettuce bowl got involved was probably because there had been very little thinking about it on Chichi’s part. She’d likely just grabbed for the first thing she could reach, and flung it. There was no reason to get so. Introspective about it...

 

“She’s aware I’m with Bluma right?”

 

Oh. Oh. Krillin’s brain struck the path; made the connection. A little lightbulb went up inside his head. “She’s not flirting with you; don’t worry. She just wants to kill people in general.”

 

“Ah.” Vegeta quickly caught himself. “That’s good. But, maybe just to be sure, you go get that ball.”

 

“Say what?”

 

“It’s only the gentlemanly thing to do. I can't have her all courtshipping all over me; with the knives and flinging heavy objects. I mean I understand. I’m quite the catch, and she’s a widow. And I cannot deny she casts that carving knives with a mean curve. But I’m involved.”  

 

Alright, too much information on Saiyan courtships. besides, “I'm involved too.”

 

Vegeta slanted his gaze towards Krillin, as if only noticing him there now; like they had not been partners in this terrible endeavour since the start. His eye appraised him, and judged him lacking. “Fah. You’re like four feet with no hair.”

 

Without the hair, Vegeta was hardly much taller. And, worse. “I literally just told you I’m seeing eighteen.”

 

“Did you really?” Vegeta blinked, then smirked, Krillin’s glare sliding off of him without doing a hint of damage. “That is not a real girl, baldy.”

 

Eighteen, in all actuality, had more real girl, more love in her bionically enhanced little finger than Vegeta would be able to feel in his entire existence. And Krillin knew this, for a fact. And h did not like if when anyone bad-mouthed his girl; no. she was more than that! She was his world right now. His little sun in his existence that was bleak and dark and.. _homeless._ And, on that note: “why do I have to keep cleaning up your messes? If you’d have waited for me to talk to her, this would never have happened. But now she’s all riled up and…”

 

“Getting it out of her system. Probably just what she needed; thank you mr Vegeta!”

 

Krillin jumped. Because, suddenly, Gohan. Right behind him. Scaring the hebejebes out of him. Was that really necessary? Ah, but it was just impossible to stay mad a little Gohan. Though he was hardly that small anymore. But he still had that cute wide smile. “Hi, Krillin. You were looking for this?” 

 

And there, in his hands, was their next dragon ball. Krillin blinked, smiled back at the kid, and reached out. 

 

Only to have the ball scooped up by Vegeta first. 

 

Krillin sighed, decided it was not worth it; not in front of this sweet kid. A kid that really, really had already seen more fighting than he ever wanted. “Thanks Gohan. You're a lifesaver!”

 

Gohan shrugged, smile turning tentative. "Just remember to wish for something good, okay?"

 

"Oh yeah.” Vegeta grouched, ignoring the half-breeds hopeful stare. “We’re going to wish for unicorns pooping rainbows. You'll love it."

 

Gohan laughed, but pointedly looked over to Krillin. "That’s okay. I trust you."

 

Behind him, Vegeta grabbed at the neck of his armor and pretended to barf.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see, I made up for not updating with a long update. hope you'll all forgive me! <3


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> were at six...

 

The pit of worry had opened up wide in Krillin’s gut. A wide, hungry chasm that had been fed by Gohan’s words… his warning? Or perhaps he was seeing too much in this; perhaps Gohan meant they’d do fine. That there was nothing to worry about and but..

 

Why was Vegeta so keen on this anyway? Was he really that scared of Bulma? Somehow, Krillin figured that; of course everyone feared Bulma. Or, at least, every male. But could that even be true? Had Krillin gone and attributed humanoid attributes to an alien completely devoid of such emotions? 

 

Perhaps he’d been taken for a ride? After all, he might think he knew Vegeta; because they’d fought—hell,  _ died _ together. But, Krilllin was also aware, the Saiyan prince was not beyond deceit. Not to mention, at that point, said prince was quite bent on wishing for immortality. And, exactly where had he given up on that wish anyway? Had he given up on it? Or.. Perhaps this whole dragonball hunt was a bad idea.

 

Krillin slowly approached the air-born Saiyan, dragon-radar clutched to his chest as he considered. One Saiyan, turned away from him as he muttered to himself, juggling his slippery load. At least a hundred humans below, moving around agitatedly like an upended ant’s nest, little figures scurrying around, angry fists shaking.

 

“Vegeta, what did you do this time?” Krillin groaned.

 

The other turned, a little too quickly, and had to do a weird shimmy to catch one of the dragon balls that had been set rolling. “Number six. Let’s hear it for number seven, logistics support.”

 

Krillin sighed, dejected. Was that a slight? Or did Vegeta consider it a promotion? He never could tell. “People down there seem pretty upset Vegeta. I thought you were  _ good  _ now.”

 

“I’m the best!” the statement would have been accented with a proud slap to his chest, but Vegeta had to abort the movement, to balance the little pyramid of balls he clutched to his chest. Grunting, the alien psychopath narrowed dark eyes at him. “Or are we talking about that dumb shit again?”

 

And, yes, talking about this made Krillin feel pretty stupid. Because, yes, this was Vegeta. And he’d made it pretty clear that good and evil meant as much to him as fashion and dieting. 

 

But then Vegeta went and surprised him by pointing down with a single finger. “Look down there, see? Any dead bodies? Any blood? So we’re good right? And I got ball number six. So, let’s get moving to the last already.”

 

Still, “there’s better ways to do this, you know. How about I show you and get the last one?”

 

“Fah!” Vegeta put all that denigration into that one syllable, raising his chin to look down on the other, “fat chance of you doing anything better than me, also..” there was a little clanking sound as a ball started rolling, and Krillin would have caught it, really. But Vegeta already had it wedged between his knees and then back into the pile. His glare was all annoyance, until it turned into a very fake smile. “Say, you know what? Why don’t you do just that.”

 

Krillin blinked, but decided not to look that gift horse in the mouth. —He was pretty sure it wouldn’t turn out to be an actual horse with friendly, herbivore teeth. But some alien monster horse with saw-teeth that would take of his fingers if he tried.. Anyway, he just got what he asked for, right? “All..,” yes; Krillin would just take that horse monster and hope for the best. “Alright, Vegeta. Thanks!”

 

The other just grunted, and followed him. Slower than before, actually staying behind. Still cursing and muttering softly though. And the dragonballs clinked together in his arms.. Krillin was not going to offer to carry any though. He was pretty sure he like Vegeta distracted. Or, at least like him better than undistracted. 

 

And still, Krillin felt obligated to ask, if not for himself, or for the world, than for little Gohan. “You’re just actually going to wish for my house, aren’t you? I mean, you’re not going to go and wish something else are you? Something selfish?” 

 

The other remained too distracted to get angry. That was good. Great. Really. “What? you mean like a mountain of strawberries? Or underpants?”

 

Krillin winced out a laugh. “Ah. you heard about that huh? That was..”

 

“Or maybe pockets?” Vegeta grunted, annoyed. “Definitely, pockets would be a good wish.”


	14. number 7

Krillin had that pit of worry, still down in his stomach. He was near sure it had formed into an ulcer by now. He studied Vegeta, who studied the viesta below from his perch behind the treetop. The Saiyan prince looked entirely too pleased with himself. 

Finally, Vegeta stretched his back, dark mane sticking out from their floating perch behind the upper leaves. The dragonballs in his arms clicked as he addressed his earth companion. “Perfect opportunity for you to show off  those skills of persuasion of yours. I mean, you’re one of those religious types, right?”

Krillin groaned. “That’s a sect down there. I’m a monk. It’s not even the same religion.”

“Right.” Vegeta shrugged, “I’m sure you can explain the time of reckoning is close and they need to all kill themselves or whatever.” 

“I can’t do that!” Krillin snapped.

Vegeta’s eyes lit up in rare happiness. “How about I play the part of god. Or devil. It’ll be _ great _ . And humane. Or whatever.”

That had to be stopped dead. “No one is going to kill themselves. Look, I’m getting that ball. You just stay here.”

“Suit yourself, Buzz-kill.” Vegeta turned his back to him in dismissal.

So, that’s how Krillin found himself floating down to a thatched temple that housed an altar with the seventh dragonball on full display. It was also guarded by at least twenty overly buff religious fanatics. They didn’t even react when he landed, so Krillin called in his most friendly voice. “Hi!”

Two of the closest guards moved his way, bulky bare chests bulging with muscle. Wide pants. Lost of jewelry. The left one crossed his arms and glowered down at Krillin. “You are not the chosen one we await.”

“Oh.” Krillin didn't know why he felt disappointed at that. “So.. who are you waiting for?”

“A little monkey on a yellow cloud.” the left one proclaimed.

That.. rung a bell. Still Krillin blinked, confused.

“Look, baldy” the left head lowered his tone, conspiratorially like. “See that old fellow in front of the temple.”

Krillin admitted as much.

“He had the ball before, and he has it again now. Only, the last time it was stolen by a flying monkey. A monkey that promised a pretty girl’s kiss in return.”

Krillin groaned. “Let me guess,  _ Bulma _ didn’t kiss him.”

Left nodded. “The pretty girl told him she wouldn’t kiss him if it was the end of the world.”

Krillin groaned.

“Guess what happened the next day?” right asked.

“What?”

Left: “The actual end of the world.”

“Really?” If Krillin’s tone was laced with sarcasm.. Well, he couldn't help it.

“Dark as night in the middle of the day,” right proclaimed, as ieft added:  “Giant monster in the sky.”

Krillin blinked, trying for reason. “Look here, friends. We’re still here. Obviously, it was not the end of the world.”

“So, us and the boys, we joined in a pact.” the left meat-head explained right over him.

“All us ugly guys.” the right meat-head supplied.

“Yeah; we demand our kiss.” left again.

It was. Very hard to be reasonable with unreasonable men. Krillin tried anyway: “She’s all grown up now. And I wouldn’t want to talk about her like that, lest you die before the end of the world is set in motion.” Krillin didn’t really know if Vegeta got jealous. A couple of years back, he didnt seem to give a fuck what happened to Bulma. But Vegetea definitely seemed to type to kill these dorks on principle.

Left shrugged. “Either way, you booty, no ball.”

“Look, I just need to borrow it. I’ll bring it back; promise.” Krillin reasoned.

“You should join.” right, making Krillin’s head whip to and throw like he was following a ping pong match.

“What?” Krillin paused, confused.

“I mean, you’re obviously too ugly to get a girl too.” The meat-head on the left explained.

That was downright hurtful. “I.. have a girlfriend!”

“Sure you do, buddy, but will she even touch you?” Right meat-head’s tone was condescending. “Will let you buy her things though, am I right?”

“That’s not.” arguing wasn’t really a Buddhist thing to do. But, he had to defend Eighteen’s honor, at least. Still, the men didn’t listen to him at all.

“Just join us.” Left again.

Kirllin focused on his breathing. Focussed on the teachings. “Look, my girl isn't like that. And also, your logic needs work.”

“No kisses, no balls.” right, as left added. “All bitches are evil like that.”

“You need to join us. You’re ugly as shit.” right again, but Krillin didn’t look.

Because something in Krillin had snapped. Next, a few bones snapped too. And a few noses. It didn’t take long; hardly counted as a warmup. Soon he was floating back to Vegeta with the last dragon ball in his hands. The prince was smirking.

“Please don’t say it.” Krillin felt bad enough.

Vegeta shrugged. “No, I  _ like _ it. The Earth way is actually growing on me.”

Krilllin flinched. Guilt threatening to drown him. Krillin was a bad, bad man. And a terrible example. All this time, he’d been comparing Vegeta to a wrecking ball, but now when push came to shove... “I lost my cool, okay. Please don’t do as I do.”

Vegeta shrugged again. “Let’s find a nice hill to call that dragon. Damn, but the temple fire was a nice touch.”

When push came to shove, it turned out Krillin was the real wrecking ball.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i summon thee, shenron

“So, this is it.” Krillin’s voice wavered a little, eyes trailed on their little pile of Dragon Balls. Seven balls. They were done. They had found a little secluded hill, and it was finally time to summon the dragon.

“Yup. this is it.” Vegeta’s voice was as callous as ever. No worries, no doubt. No conscience whatsoever. “Remember, I get to do the wishing.”

This was a really, really bad idea.

Krillin sighed, trying to will away the feeling. Trying not to have Gohan’s trusting eyes stare at him in his mind’s eye. Trusting him to do the right thing. Trusting him.. But he had promised. And Vegeta had done less damage at this point. Not counting his house, of course. And the trees. And a lot of broken hearts. “Can I just trust you to wish for the right thing. I mean, you’re not going to wish for anything  _ bad  _ are you?”

The pause for a reply was too long; so long, in fact, that Krillin finally forced his gaze up to meet the other’s. His answer, however, was just: "Eternal Dragon, by your name, I summon you forth: Shenron!" 

And fourth it came; darkening skies, the wind picking up, the earth shivering. Lighting striking twice in the same place, and above them he towered: Shen Ron.

Admittedly, the process had been more overwhelming when Krillin couldn’t summon Ki that caused its own lighting strikes, or raise his power so much that the earth shook for him, too. But, well. It was nostalgic at least. 

Vegeta just smirked.

And the dragon proclaimed: “ **Why have you summoned me?** ”

Which caused Krillin to utter two words of stupidity he immediately regretted. “Vegeta, please?”

For a moment —a desperate moment, that Krillin now wished to be true— the Saiyan seemed to ignore him. He stepped past Krillin, smirk holding; one step, two steps. And, then he broke. Krillin could see it in his stance. In the way the relaxed saunter morphed into something stiff, rigid, shaking, as he started : “Vegeta please, Vegeta please. For the flying fuck of.. I am  _ so fucking tired _ of everyone beggiing me to be nice…

“You!” Vegeta was frothing at the mouth, “and that idiot  _ Kakarot _ . And  _ his brat _ . And the  _ woman _ ,” he made a slashing gesture. “I am seriously  **one** more stupid request away from asking the planet to be  **blown up** . And I fucking  **_live here myself now!_ ** ” 

Krillin blinked at the seething Prince. He was shaking, teeth clenched and fists balled up. Yet, all he could think to say was. “Oh, well as long as you’re not going to wish for  _ immortality. _ ”

“ **... erm. Please state your wishes?** ” the booming voice suggested nearly mildly.

But the dragon was completely ignored now. Vegeta obviously had a bone to pick here; something that must have grated him for a while now. “Immortality? How stupid do you think me anyway? We already have that, so what would the point even be?

“Also, fuck,  _ fuck, _ fuck you a lot. Fucking  _ make  _ me.” Vegeta stepped forward, closing the distance, until he was towering over Krillin, spit flying all over the poor monk’s bald head. “I don't want to play nice. I never  _ wanted _ to play nice. And saying please, and thank you and _ wow, I really admire you _ is not going to make me like  _ any _ of you.” 

“ **Sorry. Just. state your wishes?** ”

“In fact, if I ever come across any rock where I can live...” why was Vegeta taller than Krilln anyway? Had that been the case when the Saiyans first arrived on earth? Krilln was sure they had once been the same size. “Live in happy, quiet isolation without starving, I would take that opportunity and blast you all to bits. But. ”

“But, as I can not cook for myself; and maybe that’s something I should wish for right? I mean if I can just make my own food I can be rid of you all. And then I do lose my  _ ‘get out of hell free card _ ’. Which would suck, because.”

“ **Please state your two wishes?** ”

Krillin’s mind had finally caught up with the rant. “Wait. what do you mean, you’re immortal now anyway.”

But Vegeta had finally noticed the dragon, turning from him to take in the sight. “Oh, hear that human?” a slow smile spread on the prince’s face. “Two wished now. Guess you get your house after all.”

“No, no stop.” Krillin was so confused. “You’re going to wish how to cook? That’s ridiculous. Also,  **_what do you mean, you’re immortal now anyway?_ ** ”

“Oh, don't be daft, Kril-thing. I’m not  actually going to wish to learn how to cook. I am a prince. It’s beneath me, honestly. I should probably wish for someone to cook for me.” Vegeta seemed to consider that for a moment. “Addendum. Someone who doesn’t talk, or smiles at me, or tries to pinch my butt…”

“No, still at immortality here, Vegeta, ple— I mean fucking focus here man.”

“I am focussed.”Vegeta crossed his arms, squinting at the dragon. “I’m thinking, a microwave. Is that a microwave? Actually, just not being Bulma’s mother is good.”

“ **Is that your first wish?** ” the Dragon pushed, clearly annoyed.

“No! Wait!” Killin panicked. “What about the immortality?”

“What, first I can’t wish for it, and now you want it?” Vegeta had the audacity to shake his head at him. “Seriously baldy, have some  _ values. _ Besides, not like we need it; your earthing team will wish us both back anytime anything happens anyway.”

The dragon blinked. “ **So, not immortality either. Have you summoned me for any particular reason, or are you just here to fuck with me?** ”

“NO!” Krillin yelled, stepping to Vegeta’s side. “No, we got a reason. A good reason. The thing is, we need.”

“Hey!” Vegeta cut in, “what happened to me wishing?”

“ **I seriously don't care.** ” the dragon groaned. “ **As long as you’re not prank calling me.** ”

“That happens?” Krillin had to ask, just as he became aware of a third presence. A third presence, right behind him. A Third presence, that he was very familiar with, and very very afraid of.

It grabbed him by the ear before he could run.

Then proceeded to drag him forward another three half-running steps. It was disorientating, and scary. Scary, scary; scary. Because he already knew who it was. It was inevitable. Had been inevitable from the start. That she would catch up with them. 

When Krilln had his bearings, forced to look down at the ground from the unrelanding twist applied to his ear, he heard his companion complain; for Vegta had obviously not used his supposedly superior reflexes to get himself to safety either. “Not the ear. We talked about the ear. The ear is sensitive. And this is most unbecoming.”

Bulma ignored them both, voice chipper. “Hi, Shenron!”

“ **What are your wishes,** ” the dragon sighed, “ **please state two. So I can grant them and be on my way?** ”

“Yeah, sure Shen. I’d like a sexy bra that doesn’t chave.” Bulma smiled.

The dragon blinked, blinked again. Then finally stated. “ **I am afraid that is beyond my powers.** ”

“Hah!” Bulma sounded defiantly triomphant. “I _ knew  _ it.”

“ **Do you have.. Any other wishes you’d like granted?** ”

“No that’s it. Thank you, Shenron. We’ll call you again when there’s a real emergency.”

“No, wait!” Kirllin cried. But too late. The Dragon unsummoned, the balls disentangled and flew off, to new hiding places Far, far away.

Bulma finally let go of Krillin, tears already running from his eyes. She didn’t even acknowledge them. “I am  _ so _ disappointed in you, Kril. Facilitating his majestie's power fetishes like that.”

She had not, Krillin noticed, let go of Vegeta. He addressed the ground sideways. Krillin understood the necessity. Bulma twisted ears something nasty. ”I was not even —can we all talk about this like adults.”

“OH YOU WANT TO **TALK** NOW, **DO YOU?!?** ” Bulma managed a singsong voice that somehow vibrated down to Krillin’s bones. Somehow, louder than the dragon. And worse in all the ways. “ **WELL, GUESS WHAT?** ” Bulma turned, dragging the prince behind her. “We  **are** going to talk. We are going to talk  **ALL THE WAY HOME.** ”

“Not inside the hover yet,” There was a definite note of panic in the prince’s voice. “ _ please. _ It’s a small container. Your voice..”

Krillin nearly opened his mouth. Nearly said something. Something about  _ ‘please?’ _ But, he wisely shut up. This was fine. Vegeta would make it home without mishap, at least. And Krillin?.. Krillin was  _ still in deep shit _ .

But there was little to do about that now. So, he just watched to hoverjet take off, listening to Bulma’s voice over the jet engines, and felt only slightly guilty.

Only after they’d long past out of view, over the horizon, did Krillin man up, take to the air, and head home. Master Roshi had been due home hours ago anyway. He was fucked every way he played this. Time to face the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nearly there guys. I cannot believ I finished a fic! one more after this, and its just epilogue-like finishing the lines.


	16. end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> final chapter!!!

Krillin returns home with a heavy heart and dragging feet. Master Roshi must have been home for hours, and there’s no point in trying to evade the fallout any longer. When he touches down to face the music, he is met with one last surprise. 

Kame house is back. Krillin just stares, rubs his eyes, stares again. Wood, light pastels. Clean and perfect. A boat at the landing is ready to leave, filled with workmen. The foreman steps out, frowns at Krillin, and says in an accusing manner: “you’re going to get quite the bill, but know I’ve done you a favor here.”

“How..?” Krillin starts, the stops. Kame House’s door open forward, Master Roshi steps out. Krillin’s hear sinks down.

“Your friend here know what he wanted. So, it’s all good. In record time too.” the foreman shakes his head. “Not our usual thing, but whatever. Just pay the bills and don’t tell.”

“Why..?” would a worker not want people to know about his work? His very good work? His very fast work?

But the foreman doesn’t wait to explain, just gets on that boat. The boat leaves in a hurry.

Roshi come to stand next to Krillin, staring after them, hands behind his back. “Such  _ nice _ fellows. Very understanding.”

Krillin blinks at the man. “You.. are not mad?”

“Now, why would I be mad? The place could use a make-over. It was all very outdated. I’d have liked to be told in advance though.” Roshi’s smile is wide, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses. “Come on in, it’s past time for dinner.”

Krillin wonders if it’s possible the man hasn’t realised his porn collection was blown up. He also wonder what kind of make-over has the house look exactly like the original. He says nothing, and follows inside behind Master Roshi mutely.

And has the scare of his life.

The inside of Kame House, is not the same. Apparently the worker crew they hired was one of many talents. The walls, top to bottom, are painted with pictures. Ladies; in various states of undress, smiling, laughing, or looking back with pouty full lips. The dinner table has been replaced by a top held by four wooden, big breasted statues holding it aloft. The cupboards, the curtains, the fucking couch; all has been themed with naked woman.

Krillin panics. “Master Roshi.” fuck, fuck fuck! “Master Roshi? You know I have a dinner date with Eighteen tomorrow, right?”

Roshi grins. “And I’ll leave you the entire house. Got my own plans for that night. O-ho! And the house is done just in time too!”

“I can’t” Krillin’s voice jumps. “I can’t let Eighteen see this! She’ll think I’m a pervert.”

“Hmm.” Roshi says. “Good point. Want me to cancel my plans and stay, so I can explain this is all mine?”

Krillin stares. That’s hardly a better choice. There will be no romantic get-together in this ambience. And definitely not with Roshi home.. Then, the phone rings. Krillin moves to pick it up, and sighs, noticing the receiver is, again, shaped like a naked lady. “Kame House?”

“Krillin-!” Bulma’s voice is soft. Friendly. Wrong. “Krillin dear, so nice to hear you got home. Listen could you maybe fly past that little island between your house and Capsule Corp?”

“What? Why would I need to go there?”

“I seem to have fallen out of my jet. And it’s getting dark out… did you know Vegeta could fly a hover jet?”

No. “I did not know he could fly a hover jet.”

Krillin puts down the receiver; Bulma doesn’t even know about the house yet, but “I’m going to try and blackmail Bulma into buying me my own house now, Master Roshi.” he leaves, feeling more tired than he has any right to be. “Wish me luck. It would be a nice change.”  

  
  



End file.
